


Beneficial

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: And a bit of fluff, F/F, Friends With Benefits, a bit of smut, and a bit of angst, but also slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: Holtzmann makes Erin an offer she can't refuse. But where will this new thing between the engineer and her lead?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this several weeks ago and decided to finish it now, so when I started, I was like "oh this is so smutty for me, omg". Well, then the story with maschinenmensch happened, and now, this seems fairly tame in comparison, hahaha. Enjoy! :D

Erin always had prided herself on her rational, logical way of thinking, on the fact that she was a scientist to the core, and that she – usually – didn’t let her emotions cloud her judgement when it came to scientific questions.

She always had prided herself on her self-control, on having her hormones and libido under control; there had been hook-ups in her life, of course, men who had been in her life for a while and then had left again, but she’d never let that get to her – not in the bright light of day, anyway – convincing herself and the world around her that this was just the way she wanted it.

Then, she had reunited with Abby, and had met Holtzmann and Patty, and they had become the Ghostbusters; and while Erin still thought and acted like the scientist she was, she quickly learned that busting ghosts had a very unexpected side-effect, at least for her, and she didn’t quite know how to ask the other three if it was the same for them – they were close, but not _that_ close.

Busting ghosts, Erin had learned, made her incredibly horny.

When she had realized this for the first time, after the Rowan Incident, she’d blamed it on all the adrenaline and excitement, and had written it off as a one-time thing; then it had happened again, after a bust with much less excitement. And again. And again.

It didn’t take a genius to realize that busting ghosts made her horny, no matter how easy or difficult the bust had been.

She kept this interesting little tidbit to herself, wouldn’t have known how to bring it up even if she had been willing to talk about it; so, she kept it to herself, and did something about it in the privacy of her room at the HQ – all of them living there by now, since it just made things so much easier – always making sure to be quiet, mortified at the thought of her friends catching her in the act.

Even though it made her feel strange that the act of busting ghosts led to other, way more intimate acts, she didn’t waste time on pondering what this might say about her, but simply accepted it the way it was, and did what she could about it.

And she was discreet about it, too… Until one night after an especially tiring and simultaneously exciting bust.

Already during the drive back, Erin had felt unreasonably horny, shifting on the backseat every now and then; if Abby next to her noticed anything, she didn’t say so, not even when Erin clenched her thighs not all too discreetly, in an attempt to release the building pressure.

Normally, she would wait until she could be sure that everyone was asleep to take care of her… problem; this time though, the need was so big that waiting wasn’t an option, and so, she exclaimed that she was tired the moment they had arrived at HQ, and telling her friends that she’d go to bed right after her shower.

Thankfully, none of them seemed to suspect anything; since for once, Erin hadn’t gotten slimed during the bust, her shower was fairly short, and with her hair still wet, she retreated to her bedroom, not bothering to waste any time on drying the auburn strands.

And then, she couldn’t find her release.

She tried, and tried hard, doing what usually worked for her, to no avail; her frustration and the need grew until she thought she’d have to scream, but it simply wouldn’t work.

And then, there was a knock on her door, and Erin froze.

“Yo, Gilbert”, Holtzmann said as she already pushed the door open, she always did this, Erin reflected, hurriedly pulling the blanket up to cover herself, knocked and then entered two seconds later, “I know you’re tired and all but Abby’s gonna order dinner and…”

Erin was covered by the blanket to her throat, and her hands were resting on the blanket, all good tired girl, so she thought she was safe. Until Holtzmann trailed off and looked at her, and her eyes narrowed.

“Oh”, the engineer then let out, and Erin wished for the ground to open up and swallow her, perfectly aware that Holtzmann knew what she had been doing – what she had interrupted; the blonde didn’t seem all too fazed though, but smirked at her after a moment, then gave her a wink which made her heart skip a beat.

“Never mind”, Holtzmann then said, “sorry ‘bout the interruption. No dinner then, I guess. Have fun.”

It astounded Erin how blasé Holtzmann was about the whole thing, not appearing ruffled the slightest; and her astonishment only grew when the engineer turned to leave, then paused and looked back at her over her a shoulder, a hint of mischief in her blue eyes… and something else, something Erin wasn’t sure she’d dare to name.

“Oh, and”, Holtzmann casually said, as if she was offering to get her coffee, “you ever need a hand, you let me know. No strings attached.”

She left the room and closed the door behind herself, leaving Erin to stare at the wood in bafflement, her mind immediately beginning to race. _Oh my God. Did she just offer…? Was she serious? Or joking? Oh my God, what if she tells the others? “Nah, Gilbert won’t eat with us, she’s getting herself off up there”? And was she serious? No strings attached? Jesus…_

She wondered if Holtzmann was aware of what she had done to her with these few simple words, of the storm she had unleashed in her mind… and then, the focus of said storm shifted, pondering how it might be, how it’d feel to have Holtzmann touch and kiss her.

Erin knew herself well enough to know that she was somewhat attracted to their mad scientist, but until this moment, it never had occurred to her to give the energetic blonde a leading part in her fantasies; spurred on by the casual comment though, she did so now, imagining how Holtzmann held her, touched her, kissed her as her hand slid beneath the covers again.

This time, she found her release.


	2. Chapter 2

To Erin’s relief, Holtzmann hadn’t told Abby and Patty what she had caught her doing, but apparently had told them that she had been fast asleep already, since Abby commented on how deeply she must have been sleeping to not have heard Holtzmann open the door; Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise in reply, glancing at the engineer, but the blonde didn’t look back at her, appearing engrossed in her work.

Again, she wondered if Holtzmann had been serious, and after her fantasies of the previous night, she found her gaze wandering to the blonde’s hands; she had watched Holtzmann work many times before, but for the first time, she consciously noticed how nimble the engineer’s fingers were, the ease with which they handled delicate parts of her projects and her tools, her heart skipping a beat again when she looked up at her face afterwards and saw the tip of Holtzmann’s tongue poke out between her lips.

Swallowing heavily, Erin forced herself to look away and to focus on her work; she was quite sure that she felt Holtzmann’s eyes on her every now and then as she stood at her whiteboard with her back to the blonde, but kept herself from turning to look at her with an impressive amount of willpower.

She kept the focus on her work for hours, and was surprisingly productive, even though she had to fight the urge to look at Holtzmann; somehow, despite the distraction the engineer turned out to be, she hit her rhythm after a while and got lost in her work, surprised at how much time had passed when Abby declared that Patty and she were heading out to get lunch.

“You know what I like”, Erin replied absent-mindedly when Abby asked her what she wanted on her sandwich; Holtzmann ordered some ungodly combination of meatballs, ham, “as many pickles as possible” and barbecue sauce, and then Abby and Patty headed out, and Erin realized, with a flash of heat, that she was alone with Holtzmann now.

She glanced at the engineer, who seemed to pay her no mind, focused on the proton pack she was tinkering with; Erin took in a deep breath, then moved over to the blonde’s workbench, stopping in front of it, and clearing her throat to get her attention.

Holtzmann stopped her tinkering at once, and looked up at her; Erin could feel her cheeks heat up as their eyes met, but didn’t let herself break the eye contact, giving her best to sound secure and calm when she spoke up, even though she couldn’t quite keep the tremble out of her voice.

“First of all, thanks for… not telling them what you walked in on yesterday”, she stated, making the younger woman raise an eyebrow; before Holtzmann had the chance to reply though, Erin went on, feeling her cheeks heat up as she spoke. “And second… were you serious?”

“About giving you a hand?” Holtzmann clarified, smirking at the short, nervous nod Erin gave in response, the smirk only making the physicist’s blush intensify.

“Erin, my lovely cream puff”, the engineer said, leaning back into her seat and giving her quite the unabashed once-over, and making her wonder if she could blush hard enough to have an aneurysm or something equally unpleasant, “I never joke about things like that.”

“Okay”, Erin squeaked, in a voice higher than usual; she cleared her throat, then added “glad we cleared that up” before she headed back to her whiteboard, feeling Holtzmann’s eyes on her again, her mind running wild as she tried to figure out what to think of this – and if she’d ever take Holtzmann up on that offer, the thought exciting her, but also terrifying her, leaving her unsure where all of this might lead.

* * *

 

Three days later, after another successful bust, Erin got her answer to at least one of those unasked questions.

There’d been another bust, and a difficult one, at that, so they had gone out to celebrate afterwards; and now, she sat in a booth at the bar they always went to, and Holtzmann sat next to her, and she felt so aroused that she wondered if Holtzmann could actually sense it somehow, smell it, perhaps, or notice it from the way she was shifting on her seat every now and then.

Again, she wondered what it said about her that the act of busting ghosts got her so turned on; figuring that she wouldn’t be able to change this though, Erin just rolled with it – and, fuelled, by the alcohol in her system, she thought back to what Holtzmann had said to her, and all of a sudden decided to just roll with that, too.

Making sure to act inconspicuous, Erin let her left hand slide off the table, resting it on her own upper leg; she waited for a minute, making sure Abby and Patty hadn’t noticed anything – and then she moved her hand, and placed it on Holtzmann’s thigh, the engineer, to her credit, not flinching the slightest, but just giving her a brief sideways glance, something Erin saw from the corner of her eye though, keeping her gaze firmly fixed on Abby.

And a few seconds later, she felt Holtzmann’s hand brush hers, the engineer’s fingers, calloused from years of working with her hands, running over her knuckles, then the back of her hand, in a surprisingly tender caress which almost made her breath hitch.

She could feel how her palm got sweaty, but didn’t pull back her hand; Holtzmann brought hers back into view after another moment of letting her fingertips trail over the physicist’s skin, making the whole thing much less noticeable, even though neither Abby, nor Patty appeared as if they’d paid much attention on the position of their friends’ hands.

From the corner of her eye, Erin noticed Holtzmann fumbling with her phone; she didn’t pay much attention on what the engineer was doing, focused on how it felt to have her hand rest on the other woman’s thigh – until her own phone vibrated in her pocket, and she flinched, then pulled it out, making sure to keep it out of sight beneath the table as she pushed the button which displayed the message.

_Holtz: Your room or mine ;)_

Immediately, Erin was thankful for the dim lighting of the bar, since it hid her blush quite well; if she had been less tipsy, or less aroused, she might have responded in a way which would make the whole thing seem like a joke, but as it was, her arousal was faster than her brain, and she replied before she could stop herself.

_Mine._

She noted Holtzmann checking her phone, then the blonde smirked and put it back into her pocket; and just like that, Erin thought to herself, she’d arranged that she’d get laid later that evening, her heart racing her chest now as she wondered what she just had gotten into, her excitement too big to let her back out though.


	3. Chapter 3

During the short walk from the bar at the corner to the fire station, Erin was nervous. She didn’t know what to expect, how this would happen; Holtzmann hadn’t acted any differently for the rest of the evening, now walking slightly ahead next to Abby and talking to her about something while Patty was next to Erin, evidently too tired to speak.

Erin figured that this made sense, if they didn’t want the other two to know that they’d have sex; and since she wasn’t all too comfortable with Abby and Patty being aware of this, she couldn’t even be upset about Holtzmann’s casual behaviour, but still she would have liked to know how things would progress once they’d be back at their HQ.

Since simply asking wasn’t an option though, not with Abby and Patty within earshot, Erin kept quiet, only speaking up to wish them a good night once they had made it back to the fire station; she retreated to her room, and heard doors close as the others did the same, still feeling nervous as she moved to sit on the bed.

She held back the urge to look at her watch and count the seconds, glancing at the door every now and then, wondering if perhaps, Holtzmann had changed her mind; and just when she started to get convinced that this had to be the case, that it had been a joke after all and that Holtzmann was snickering to herself right now about having pranked her like this, a knock came from her door, so soft that she wasn’t even sure she’d heard it at first.

Then the door opened, and Holtzmann slipped into her room, smirking at her as she soundlessly closed the door behind herself, making sure that Abby and Patty noticed nothing of what was happening.

“You still in need of a helping hand?” she asked, along with her trademark wink and with her smirk widening; Erin could feel herself flush, but nodded, honestly surprised and quite a bit relieved that her voice didn’t crack when she replied verbally, as well. “If you are willing, yes, I am. But I’ve never… Well… with a woman. You know.”

“No worries”, Holtzmann drawled, moving away from the door and over to the bed, “just relax and let me do my thing. No strings attached, like I said, so relax.”

Erin nodded nervously, briefly wondering how much more nervous she would have been, had she not been tipsy; Holtzmann gave her another smirk, then leaned closer and their lips met, and Erin found herself surprised at how gentle the kiss was, not quite sure what she been expecting, but it certainly hadn’t been such tenderness.

The kiss relaxed her noticeably, even though it only made her arousal grow further; she felt one of Holtzmann’s hands go to her neck, the other slide beneath her shirt so she could caress the heated skin of her back – and then the engineer’s tongue ran over her lower lip, and Erin willingly let the kiss deepen, unable to hold back a soft moan muffled by Holtzmann’s mouth on hers at how ridiculously good this felt.

She’d known that she wasn’t attracted solely to men all her life, but she’d never acted on the attraction she’d felt for a few women; and she marvelled at how different it felt to kiss another woman, wondering if it was just Holtzmann or if it would have felt like that with any of the other women she’d had fantasies about in the course of her life.

Then, Holtzmann’s hand slid up her back and unclasped her bra, and she pulled back from the kiss to raise an eyebrow at the engineer.

“Show-off”, she then murmured, earning a low chuckle from the blonde; she had a moment to smile back at her, then Holtzmann was leaning in and started kissing her throat, just where her pulse could be felt, and her whole body seemed to contract, and she foggily wondered if Holtzmann somehow knew that doing this was like some sort of kryptonite to her – kiss her throat, and she was gone.

If Holtzmann hadn’t somehow magically known before this had started, she certainly had picked up on Erin’s reaction – and she made use of it, nearly turning the physicist into a quivering puddle by running her tongue over her heated skin agonizingly slow, Erin finding herself unable to hold back a moan, biting down on her lip when a moment later, Holtzmann’s hand slid from her back to her breasts.

“You are aware of how hot you look when you do that, are you”, Holtzmann mumbled into her ear, kissing her again before she could respond – and successfully muffling another moan she caused by pinching the physicist’s nipple between her thumb and index finger, Erin unable to hold back a shudder at her touch.

To her dismay, Holtzmann pulled back from the kiss all too soon, but the dismay didn’t last long; with tender pressure, the engineer got her to lie on her back, Erin having a moment to realize that she was being positioned quite oddly, with her feel still on the floor – and then Holtzmann opened her pants, and pulled them down, and Erin realized what she was about to do, and her heartrate picked up speed until she feared it might burst right out of her chest.

_And she didn’t even get started yet_ , she still had time to think – before Holtzmann ran her tongue from the inside of her thigh to between her legs, and she had to grit her teeth hard to keep from crying out, reminding herself that Abby and Patty might still be awake and hear any suspicious noise she might make.

And the longer Holtzmann went on, the more difficult remaining quiet became – because Holtzmann, as Erin learned quickly, knew what she was doing, and God was she good.

The fingers of one hand grasped the blanket she laid on tightly, while the other moved to entangle in Holtzmann’s hair; she gave her best to remain quiet, but couldn’t hold back a low moan after all when the engineer did something quite exquisite down there, her whole body quivering as she rapidly was pushed towards the edge.

Sensing how close to release Erin was, Holtzmann impossibly increased her efforts even further; and not long after, Erin let out a groan of “Oh God, _Holtz_ ” as she came, fingers inadvertently tightening in the blonde hair, another, unarticulated moan following as Holtzmann slowed down, letting her come down slowly.

Breathing heavily, Erin just laid there for a while, trying to gather her thoughts and to regain the ability to move; she felt how Holtzmann picked up her feet, then moved her so she properly laid on the bed, and could hear the smirk in the engineer’s voice when she wished her a good night.

“Hngh”, was all Erin could let out in response to that, hearing the blonde chuckle lowly; then the door opened and closed as Holtzmann left without another word, and Erin drifted off into sleep quickly, too exhausted and too tipsy to lie awake with worry about how she should react to Holtzmann in the next morning.


	4. Chapter 4

In the next morning, when they all met downstairs for breakfast, Holtzmann acted as if nothing at all happened between them; and apparently, Abby and Patty had noticed nothing of what Erin and the engineer had done in Erin’s room, acting just as always around her.

It made Erin feel a bit weird that the woman who had given her such an amazing orgasm the previous night now acted as if this never had happened, but, she thought to herself as she poured her coffee, Holtzmann had told her that it was a no-strings-attached thing, so it would make no sense to act weirdly around her now.

She found herself wondering if this had been a one time thing while she added a few drops of milk to her coffee, then joined the others at the breakfast table; her gaze met Holtzmann’s as she sat down, and the engineer winked at her, and quickly, Erin brought her cup up to hide her blush.

At least, she then thought to herself, blushing at Holtzmann’s winks and flirty comments wouldn’t be anything unusual, and wouldn’t make Abby and Patty suspect anything; the two liked to tease her about how she always got so flustered at the things Holtzmann did and said, and suddenly, she found herself smiling as she imagined how they would react, should they find out what Holtzmann and she had done together the previous night.

_Then it would be their turn to get flustered,_ Erin thought to herself, hiding her somewhat smug smirk behind her coffee cup; apparently though, Holtzmann had noticed, winking at her again – before she slowly licked her lips, raising an eyebrow as she did so, and Erin’s ears felt so hot that she began to worry about steam rising from them any moment.

She cleared her throat and took another sip of her coffee, while Holtzmann apparently decided that she had flustered her enough for now, since she picked up the newspaper and started to read; Erin glanced at her every now and then while she listened to Abby talk about her new ideas for the PKE meter 2.0, thinking to the things Holtzmann had done to her and how good these things had made her feel, and finding herself wondering if she’d have a chance to feel this again anytime soon.

* * *

 

Hours after breakfast, Erin had tried hard to get some work done – she really had, she had given it her very best – but it just hadn’t been possible, not with Holtzmann in the same room, the engineer humming and dancing and swaying her hips way more than certainly was necessary for the work she did.

“Urch”, Erin finally gave up, tossing her marker down onto her desk, glad that neither Abby, nor Patty were around to witness this little outburst – since Holtzmann and she worked closely together to develop the gear of the Ghostbusters, Erin had moved her whiteboard up to the second floor, into Holtzmann’s lab, where they could brainstorm if necessary, while the researcher and the historian had stayed downstairs, Patty claiming that she certainly wouldn’t keep all her valuable old books so close to explosion-prone Holtzmann.

“You okay over there?” Holtzmann wanted to know, amused, raising an eyebrow at her; Erin huffed again, then glared at her, shaking her head as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“No!” she then said, not quite sure what made her so daring – she was sober this time, after all, but on the other hand, she reasoned, she basically had slept with Holtzmann the previous night, so she figured she might as well be a bit more daring than her usual held-back self, “you’re too distracting, Holtzmann. I can’t get anything done.”

“Whaaaaat”, Holtzmann gave back, opening her eyes wide and looking so impossibly innocent that Erin’s angry façade cracked at once and she laughed, “me? I’m not doing anything. Nothing out of the ordinary, at least. You need a helping hand again to get less antsy?”

“Holtz!” Erin squeaked in reply, casting a nervous glance towards the stairway, halfway expecting Abby to stand there with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open, absurdly relieved when the area turned out empty though, “you can’t just… say something like that!”

“Just did”, Holtzmann pointed out in reply, smirking at how deeply Erin blushed, “but fine, we can come up with some sort of code word. Like a safe word, only it will be the cause for sexy times and not a way to stop them.”

“What”, Erin squeaked, apparently unable to get her voice back to a more natural register; she paused and cleared her throat, managing to sound a bit steadier when she tried again.

“What, are you serious”, she demanded to know, prompting Holtzmann to look at her as if she had just asked her if she was gay, “you’d… do this again? If I wanted you to?”

“Course”, Holtzmann replied with a shrug, then started moving, walking closer to Erin, the physicist swallowing heavily at the sudden somewhat predatory gait the engineer had adopted, not even realizing that she was stepping back in response, until her back hit the whiteboard, “what, you think it was just a one-time-thing? It doesn’t have to be.”

“But why”, Erin demanded to know in response, not sure if she really wanted to know or if she just was trying to win time – and why was she trying to win time, anyway, she then realized, the mere thought of Holtzmann touching her again making her whole body tingle with pleasure, “I mean, why would you…? It’s not like I… reciprocated.”

“I like making beautiful women come”, Holtzmann replied, quite crudely, and causing Erin’s blush to deepen, “and you don’t need to reciprocate for me to enjoy doing that.”

She stopped in front of Erin, so close to her that their bodies were a mere inch apart, not touching her though, Erin realized, not yet – clearly, she was waiting for some sort of consent, and even though the rational part of her tried to tell her that this was a bad idea, that sleeping with a co-worker never led down any good or pleasant paths, Erin swallowed, then gave a barely perceptible nod, just enough to let Holtzmann see it.

“You sure”, the engineer mumbled, still close to her, so close that Erin could feel her warm breath on her cheeks, “I’m not gonna be offended if you say no.”

This was more consideration than anyone ever had given her before, and it made it quite easy for her to convince Holtzmann that she wanted this – and so, without allowing herself to think too much about it, she grabbed the engineer at the lapels of her lab coat and almost yanked her closer, their lips practically smashing together.

Anyone else might have been surprised, Erin had time to reflect, but not Holtzmann, the blonde kissing her back at once and with quite the passion; and while one of her hands moved to entangle in Erin’s hair, the other slid between her legs, feeling the heat there even through the physicist’s jeans, and making her gasp against her mouth at the contact.

“Antsy indeed”, Holtzmann mumbled as she pulled back from the kiss; remembering well how Erin had reacted to having her throat kissed, she did just that, simultaneously opening the redhead’s pants and sliding her hand inside, and Erin gasped again as she clung to her, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against the whiteboard to give Holtzmann better access to her throat, simultaneously rocking her hips forward and against the blonde’s hand, all worries about doing this for the moment forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

“Beneficial”, Erin said out of nowhere quite a while later, after she had recovered enough to speak; clearly not following her, Holtzmann gave her a puzzled look, and the physicist flushed, clearing her throat before she spoke up again.

“Um, the word?” she tried to explain, impossibly feeling her cheeks heat up even more and fearing she might end up with a nosebleed, “the word for… you know, happy times? It could be _beneficial._ ”

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, “from the friends with benefits thing. I like that. Beneficial it is.”

“And it can be easily worked into a conversation without Abby and Patty noticing”, Erin added, smiling proudly, “I love them, but they do not need to know everything.”

“Agreed”, Holtzmann smirked, “you want to come up with a safe word too? Just in case?”

“I… don’t think that will be necessary?” Erin gave back, earning a shrug from the engineer, “but I guess if we do need one, we can come up with one once the need does arise.”

“Fine with me”, the engineer gave back, shrugging again; Erin smiled at her, finding it a bit hard to believe that she just had made an arrangement with Holtzmann to get laid whenever she felt she needed it, but the engineer looked quite pleased with herself, and so, Erin figured that it was a good thing.

“Alright, then”, she said, “beneficial it is.”

“Was that just a confirmation now, or do you want to do it again?” Holtzmann asked innocently, smirking when Erin just could sputter in reply for half a minute; then, the physicist cleared her throat and shook her head, feeling her cheeks heat up as she replied. “A confirmation! God, if you do that to me again right now, I’ll probably die. Then I’ll have to haunt you.”

“Just confirmation then, got it”, Holtzmann replied, but she looked quite smug, and it made Erin roll her eyes.

“Confirmation”, she then said once more, just to be on the safe side; Holtzmann smirked and winked, then sauntered back to her workbench and got back to work there, as if she just hadn’t taken Erin apart a few minutes ago.

Erin felt decidedly surreal, still finding it hard to believe that she just had done this, that she had made some sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement with Holtzmann; the engineer seemed perfectly fine with it, though, and so, Erin told herself that she could be too, taking a deep breath as she turned back to her work, wondering when exactly her life had gotten so crazy.

* * *

 

Erin hadn’t been sure when she’d make use of the arrangement she had with Holtzmann again, having her libido under control quite well when she wasn’t unreasonably horny from busting ghosts; then, the next bust happened two days after they had come up with their sexy-times word, and again, she found herself quite in need of certain activities after they had taken care of the bust.

They had gone to the bar again, to celebrate, and again Holtzmann said next to her, and Erin found herself wondering if the engineer could tell about her need; she gave her best to not shift around on the seat too much, but her thigh was touching Holtzmann’s, and every now and then, Holtzmann’s fingers brushed along the length of her leg, leaving Erin unsure if this just happened or if it was done on purpose.

_Knowing Holtzmann, on purpose,_ she then thought to herself, trying to hide her blush behind her glass of beer, only to nearly choke on it when this time, Holtzmann didn’t just brush her fingers along her thigh, but let her hand drop down onto it, Abby giving her a concerned look and asking if she was okay, clearly having no idea what the reason for this coughing fit had been.

“Fine”, Erin brought out, coughing again while Holtzmann feigned concern next to her, as well, “just went down the wrong pipe. Um, Holtz, could you pat my back, I heard that is very beneficial for coughing fits.”

“Is it now”, Holtzmann replied, while Erin coughed again, a bit more dramatically than strictly necessary; Erin nodded solemnly, adding another cough for good measure, but apparently, she had overdone it with that, Abby raising an eyebrow at her while Holtzmann obligingly started patting her back.

“I’m better”, Erin said after letting her do so for a minute; Holtzmann gave her a few more pats, then pulled her hand back and finished her beer, asking the others if they wanted a refill or if they wanted to head back to HQ.

“Let’s go back”, Abby replied, “it’s getting late, and we might be called to another bust tomorrow.”

She finished her own drink, prompting Erin and Patty to do the same; then, the four of them grabbed their jackets and got up from their seats, waving to the barkeep on the way out, the young man calling after them that they should enjoy the rest of the evening, knowing them all by name by now, with this bar being the one closest to HQ and the one they most often went to after successful busts.

_Oh, I will,_ Erin thought to herself, with a glance at the engineer walking next to her; she made sure that Abby and Patty weren’t paying attention, then briefly reached out and touched Holtzmann’s hand, the blonde looking at her and winking, making it quite obvious that she had picked up on Erin’s use of The Word.

She smiled back at her, then looked ahead again, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, as if she hadn’t just made sure she’d get laid again once they were back at the fire station; Holtzmann strolled along next to her completely calm as well, hands in the pockets of her jacket now, either not noticing or pretending not to notice the glances Erin shot her every now and then.

Briefly, Erin wondered what Abby and Patty might think, should they realize what Holtzmann and she were doing together – or, better said, what Holtzmann was doing to her, since so far, she hadn’t had a chance to reciprocate – if they’d judge them or be weirded out; then, she pushed those thoughts aside and told herself that they never had to find out, that this was between Holtzmann and her and, as long as it had no influence on their work, technically was none of Abby’s and Patty’s business, anyway.

Her thoughts kept her busy until they had made it back to the fire station; once there though, and once she had retreated to her bedroom, all she could think of was Holtzmann joining her, feeling what Holtzmann would call “antsy” as she got naked, then crawled beneath her blanket, figuring she might as well surprise the engineer with her lack of clothes.

Thankfully, she didn’t need to wait for long, the door opening soundlessly just a few minutes later; Holtzmann smirked at her as she slipped into the room, closing the door just as quietly as she had opened it before she moved to the bed, Erin smiling coyly at her.

“Join me?” she then asked, fighting the urge to lift the covers, not wanting to ruin her surprise; Holtzmann’s smirk widened, and she nodded, her eyebrows shooting up all the way to her hairline when she got into bed with Erin and realized the physicist was completely naked.

“Hot”, she mumbled in a low voice, making the physicist blush visibly, “I like it.”

Erin smiled brightly at her, glad about this reaction; and then, Holtzmann kissed her, and touched her again, and made her feel so unbelievably good with what seemed like no effort at all, and soon, she was moaning into the engineer’s mouth, thankful that the kiss muffled the noise as she clung to the blonde.

This had to be the best arrangement she’d ever made with anyone.


	6. Chapter 6

After making use of their super-happy-fun-times word (how Erin had begun to call it in secret, and God, she hoped she would never accidentally call it that in front of Holtzmann, cause she had a feeling the engineer would never let her live that down) with such success, Erin quickly forgot all qualms she’d had about starting such a thing with the engineer; she tried not to overdo it as the weeks passed, but ended up making use of the word quite a few times, and Holtzmann always seemed more than happy to help her out, even if the physicist hadn’t reciprocated her attentions once so far.

She found herself wondering more and more if this was unfair or perhaps even a somewhat mean thing to do – here Holtzmann made her feel all these things, and the only thing she got in return was that Erin made out with her during their time together, and sometimes caressed her back when they were kissing.

She wasn’t quite sure how to bring this up – after all, she could hardly ask Holtzmann “Hey, want me to fuck you, too”, could she, and even if she’d had the courage needed to do that – perhaps with a less crass wording, just to be on the safe side – and Holtzmann would tell her that she’d like that, or that it was about time, she feared that she’d be so bad at it that the engineer would end up laughing at her, or perhaps even annoyed or offended.

If she hadn’t been so terrified at the thought of someone catching her, Erin might have done some _research_ , but the mere thought of someone somehow finding out – even though no one but her used her laptop, she wasn’t even sure Abby knew the password, and she did know that Holtzmann and Patty didn’t know – made her break out in cold sweat; and so, she kept these thoughts to herself, and tried to figure out how to handle this, preferably without offending the blonde engineer.

Now, she somewhat regretted that she wanted to keep this secret from Abby and Patty, after all, Abby was her best friend, and even though the mere thought of talking to the researcher about this made Erin blush, she figured that Abby would be willing to listen, and perhaps even be able to help in some way, but she had made it quite clear to Holtzmann that what they were doing was something between the two of them, and that there was no reason to let Abby and Patty in on it.

So, she kept her thoughts and concerns to herself, and tried to not act any differently at all towards Holtzmann, so her friends wouldn’t notice that something was going on; and while she might have tried a bit too hard, Holtzmann apparently had no trouble at all acting normal towards her.

But then, Erin figured, Holtzmann didn’t need to change of her behaviour, anyway – she had flirted with her from day one, after all, her very first words to the physicist had been a pick-up line, so it would have been more suspicious if she had just stopped flirting, and thus, kept it up, smirking each time Erin blushed brightly when she called her “hot stuff” or made some other sort of flirty remark.

“Erin!” Abby’s voice tore her out of her thoughts, and she actually flinched, only realizing now that she’d been unmoving in front of her whiteboard for the past few minutes while her mind had been focused on Holtzmann and their thing.

“Sorry”, she apologized, the tone of Abby’s voice having shown her that this wasn’t the first time the researcher had addressed her, “I got… lost in my work for a moment there. What do you need?”

“Patty and I are going out to get dinner”, Abby let her know, “pizza. You want some, too?”

“Oh, yes please”, Erin smiled, “you know what I like, so… Wait, I’ll get my purse…”

“Nevermind”, Abby gave back, smiling again as well, her brief annoyance at how Erin hadn’t reacted to her moments ago already forgotten again, “that one’s on Patty and me, Holtz and you can get it tomorrow.”

Erin hoped to a deity she didn’t believe in that she wasn’t blushing at that, because she knew Abby wasn’t implying anything, but simply talking about dinner or perhaps, lunch; she made herself smile at her friend, and nodded, and after another smile at her, Abby turned and called out to Patty, the two of them heading out moments later.

Trying to focus on her work again, Erin returned her focus to the whiteboard, trying to crack this particular equation she’d been working on before her thinking about Holtzmann and their arrangement had distracted her; she had a few minutes to work, then a heavy _thump_ from behind her tore her out of her focus, and she turned to find herself looking at Holtzmann, the engineer as always having used the fireman’s pole instead of just walking down the stairs like a normal person.

“One of these days you’ll hurt yourself”, Erin commented, shaking her head; Holtzmann just grinned, her typical manic Holtzmann grin, and shrugged, then asked if Abby and Patty had gone out for food yet, making Erin nod.

“Ah good”, the engineer smirked, and something in her gaze made Erin swallow heavily, “cause I’m quite hungry. I think the food is gonna be… beneficial for both of us.”

“Um”, Erin let out, simultaneously excited at hearing The Word and a bit worried, knowing Abby and Patty wouldn’t be gone for that long, a concern she quickly voiced to the engineer.

“I agree”, she said, prompting Holtzmann’s smirk to widen, “but Abby and Patty are gonna be back soon, so there’s not much time.”

“I don’t need much”, Holtzmann told her, and her face flushed; she swallowed, telling herself that this was way too risky, Abby and Patty would look right at them the moment they’d walk back inside, so they shouldn’t take that risk, still telling herself that as she practically yanked Holtzmann closer and smashed their lips together.

Without breaking the kiss, Holtzmann turned her away from the whiteboard and moved her so she ended up leaning against her desk; now that Erin had something to hold on to for support, Holtzmann quickly opened her pants and slid her hand inside, by now knowing her and what she liked well enough to quickly find one of the very good spots, smirking against her mouth at the warm wetness her fingers encountered.

Erin let out a gasp at the contact, her hips rocking forward without her even fully realizing that she was making the movement; wrapping one arm around her to keep her steady in addition to the grip the redhead had on the desk, Holtzmann gave her what she so clearly needed, making her gasp and groan in reaction to the movements of her fingers.

She quickly realized that Holtzmann hadn’t been overly cocky when she’d made her little boast minutes ago, and that the engineer indeed didn’t need much time; not long after she had started touching her, Erin clung to her instead of the desk, burying her face in the other woman’s neck as she came, a shudder running through her body which made the blonde smirk yet again.

“Okay”, Erin mumbled once she found herself able to talk again, “you were right. You really didn’t need much time.”

“Told ya”, Holtzmann smirked, earning a raised eyebrow from the redhead; she chuckled as she pulled her hand back, then let her know that she’d go wash her hands before dinner, chuckling again at how Erin blushed in response to these words, words which were so fairly innocent on a regular day, but had such a double meaning now.

“You do that”, she mumbled, her blush deepening when Holtzmann winked at her; then, the engineer strolled off to the sink while Erin hurriedly closed her pants again and made sure her clothing and hair was in order, giving her best to appear as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened by the time Abby and Patty came back.


	7. Chapter 7

It took another four days until Erin could make her idea to reciprocate what Holtzmann did for her an actual reality; she made sure to use The Word after another successful bust, Holtzmann, as always, not reacting in any way which would make Abby and Patty suspicious, waiting until she was sure that only Erin looked at her before she shot the physicist a wink and a smirk, the redhead smiling back at her at once.

“Your room tonight”, she whispered to her as she handed her proton pack to the engineer so it could be put into the car’s trunk; Holtzmann raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t question her, merely giving a brief nod before she slammed the trunk lid shut.

Somehow, Erin managed to sit still on the drive back to HQ, even though she wanted to fidget and shift on her seat; once they were back at the firehouse, she still had to wait a while until the others went to bed, and then add a few minutes just to be on the safe side, her heart racing in her chest with both anxiety and anticipation by the time she finally made her way to Holtzmann’s room.

Unlike her, the engineer seemed quite calm about things again, lounging on her bed – naked, Erin noted, her breath catching in her throat – and reading a magazine, looking up at her though when the door opened and smiling.

“Holtzmann”, Erin hissed, making sure to keep her voice low as she slipped into the room and closed the door behind herself, “what if it hadn’t been me, but Abby or Patty?”

“Nothing Abby hasn’t seen before”, Holtz shrugged, Erin’s eyes widening as she inadvertently found herself wondering if Holtzmann had done this with Abby, too, if perhaps, she had an arrangement very much like the one she had with Erin, the physicist blushing when Holtzmann took a closer look at her and raised an eyebrow, then shook her head as she put her magazine aside.

“Not like that, jeez”, she then said, taking note of the way Erin was staring at her body – she knew she was in good shape, but it still was good for her ego to have a woman look at her like that, “you’re the only Ghostbuster whom I get off regularly.”

“That makes it sound so crass”, Erin mumbled, blushing, but remembering that this was the reason why she had come to this room in the first place; she smiled at Holtzmann, who smirked back at her and stretched on the bed, enjoying how Erin’s blush deepened at the sight, the physicist clearing her throat as she pulled her shirt over her head, the engineer watching appreciatively how the redhead’s pants were next, followed by her bra and socks and underwear.

Once Erin was just as naked as Holtzmann, she moved to join the engineer on the bed; and this time, when Holtzmann kissed her, she moved one hand to run it along the blonde’s side, then gingerly cupped her breast, earning another raised eyebrow and feeling her cheeks hit heat up in response.

“I thought”, she mumbled, feeling her cheeks heat up even further and cursing herself for this unreasonable tendency to blush, “that… you know, it’d be nice of me to… do something for you, too.”

“Well, not gonna say No to that”, the engineer smirked, making Erin smile again, even though her smile was a bit insecure, “but only if that is what you really want to do. I don’t want you to feel like you have to and be uncomfortable, I mean it when I said I’m okay with doing that for you without you doing anything to me.”

“I want to”, Erin reassured her, “I thought about it, and I want to. I just… well, I’ve never done this with another woman, so you might have to… guide me.”

“Can do, hot stuff”, Holtzmann smirked, earning another smile from the physicist; she took a moment to smile back at her, then kissed her once more, Erin becoming a bit more daring at how passionate said kiss was, keeping herself propped up on one hand while she ran the other up and down Holtzmann’s body, the smaller woman quickly returning the tender touch.

It didn’t take long for the engineer’s hand to slide between Erin’s legs, and she moaned against Holtzmann’s mouth; eager to make this not so one-sided this time, she let her hand glide down the other woman’s body, as well, a bit startled at the warm wetness she found there.

_Wow. Seems like I have quite the effect on her._

She wondered if it had been like this for Holtzmann every time the engineer had given her “a helping hand”, as she liked to call it, if she had been so turned on when she’d returned to her room; that thought, in turn, led her to wondering if Holtzmann had done something about this, and even though she wasn’t quite sure why or what it meant, the thought of the engineer touching herself made her arousal grow even further, and she shuddered when she felt Holtzmann’s fingers rub tender circles on her clit.

“Tell me if I do something wrong”, she mumbled, earning a brief nod from the blonde; then, Holtzmann kissed her again, and kept touching her, and soon, Erin had forgotten all worries about doing something wrong at the engineer’s reaction to her kiss and touch, asking herself instead why she hadn’t thought of this earlier, the way Holtzmann moaned and shuddered at her touch only turning her on more.

* * *

 

Afterwards, for the first time, the two of them ended up cuddling, instead of Erin going back to her room at once, the way Holtzmann usually did; Erin had ended up resting in the engineer’s loose embrace, her head lying on the other woman’s shoulder, and she found this more comforting and comfortable than she would have thought it’d be, smiling slightly to herself as she listened to the blonde’s heartbeat.

She wasn’t quite sure if that was a thing friends with benefits did together, but it felt nice, and from the way Holtzmann was lazily playing with her hair, the engineer didn’t seem to mind, either, and so, Erin decided that she might as well enjoy it a bit longer.

“That was great”, she finally broke the silence, once again making sure to keep her voice low so Abby or Patty wouldn’t be woken up by their talk and realize what was going on, “and this is nice, too. Um… thank you.”

“My pleasure, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, and even though they literally just had had sex, Erin blushed at being called that, “in every sense of the word. You sure you never did this before?”

“I think I would remember if I had”, Erin replied dryly, making the engineer snort, “so no, I haven’t. Happy to hear it wasn’t awful though.”

“It was the exact opposite of awful”, Holtzmann reassured her, “you’re a natural, then. Impressive.”

Erin blushed again, but smiled; then, she glanced at the clock on Holtzmann’s nightstand – and of course it wasn’t just a regular clock, she realized, but one the engineer had customized to fit her better, in form of small yellow goggles she’d welded to it and tiny mismatched socks she had put on the stands the clock rested on.

“Um, I should get back to my room and get some sleep”, she said, earning a nod from the engineer; she quickly found her clothing and pressed it against her chest, not bothering to get dressed for the short trip to her own room.

“Good night”, she added, smiling at the engineer once more; Holtzmann smirked back at her and wished her the same, and Erin could feel the other woman’s eyes on her naked and perfectly visible behind as she opened the door and slipped outside, hurrying back to her own room and quickly getting into bed there, smiling to herself as she laid down, relaxed and content and quickly drifting off into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Even though Erin kept telling herself that what she did with Holtzmann had no special meaning, that it was just a friends with benefits thing – an arrangement which certainly, a bunch of people had going on, and which was nothing out of the ordinary – she felt as if something in their dynamic had shifted after the night she had not only let Holtzmann touch her, but had returned the favour, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.

Holtzmann didn’t act any different towards her, she still flirted with her, which still made her blush, still always let her choose the new weapon to test first on Testing Day, and danced for her; still Erin felt that something had changed, and she wondered if she was the only one who noticed it.

This of course led to wondering if Abby and Patty were picking up on it, and what they were thinking about it; she figured that they wouldn’t have a problem with the idea of Erin and Holtzmann sleeping together per se, after all, Holtzmann was the gayest person they all knew, and none of them had any problem with that, but she worried what might happen to the team, should this blow up in their faces somehow, and she knew that Abby and Patty would have similar worries.

Perhaps, she thought to herself, it would be smarter to stop this, before it could cause trouble for the team; the mere thought of not feeling Holtzmann’s hands on her body anymore, of not kissing her anymore, made her feel more miserable than it perhaps should for a friends with benefits thing, and she asked herself if it was the same for Holtzmann, or if it was just her, if she was stupid and felt more than she should.

That would be quite typical, she sourly thought to herself as she watched Holtzmann work on an updated version of the ghost trap, Holtzmann, who had told her that there were no strings attached and who’d had made it quite clear that this was only about sex for her, and nothing else, so of course she had to go and overthink it all instead of simply enjoying it the way it was.

She held back a sigh and tried to focus on her work again, even though it was difficult; she could still see Holtzmann from the corner of her eye, just enough to pick up on how the blonde’s hips swayed in rhythm with the music from the radio, the sight making her mouth go dry even though she wasn’t even looking properly.

Clearing her throat, Erin tried to keep her gaze on the whiteboard, turning a bit so Holtzmann wasn’t even in her peripheral vision anymore; and once that had been accomplished, she could actually focus, getting quite a bit done, until Abby came up the stairs and asked if they wanted to order lunch with Patty and her, making her realize how much time actually had passed.

“What are we ordering?” Holtzmann wanted to know, smirking when Abby said “Chinese”; she told the researcher what they wanted, then Erin gave her friend her order, Abby then letting her know that she’d get them as soon as the food had been delivered.

“Thanks, Abs”, Holtzmann smirked, Erin glancing at her, swallowing when their eyes met and Holtzmann slowly licked her lips; the physicist almost expected her to say The Word, but the engineer did not such thing, winking at her instead before she went back to her work, Erin looking at her in disbelief before she forced herself to shrug it off and went back to her work, wondering if she imagined Holtzmann’s eyes on her as she stood with her back to the blonde or if the other woman truly was staring at her and, if she did, what it might mean.

* * *

 

Erin didn’t use The Word for the next few days, telling herself that she had to figure out how to handle this without getting too attached to the engineer and to the things Holtzmann was doing to her in bed; and Holtzmann didn’t say The Word, either, not changing her behaviour towards her the slightest, but apparently not feeling the need to sleep with her again.

Anyone else might have wondered, then, if perhaps, this wasn’t as much of a no-strings-attached thing for Holtzmann as she had said when it had started; Erin, being Erin though, found herself wondering instead if perhaps, she had messed things up when she had done for Holtzmann what the blonde had been doing for her, if Holtzmann hadn’t really wanted that after all and just had gone along to be polite.

The thought of Holtzmann doing anything just to be polite was ludicrous, Erin knew, but on the other hand, she was aware of the fact that Holtzmann liked her as a friend, and valued her, and so, she wouldn’t tell her anything which she knew would hurt her.

She also knew though that she couldn’t just walk up to Holtzmann and ask her if she had been bad in bed – not only would that be embarrassing, but it would be extra-humiliating if the engineer then told her that yes, in fact, it had been horrible, and she never wanted to do this again; and so, Erin kept her thoughts and doubts to herself, and let them stew in her mind, where they could grow bigger and bigger with each day that passed.

Erin didn’t notice what she was doing, but her growing self-doubt and anxieties made her behaviour towards Holtzmann change; and it didn’t take long until the engineer picked up on it, noticing how Erin wouldn’t look her in the eye anymore all of a sudden, and how she’d avoid being alone in the room with her.

She wasn’t quite sure what had brought this on, but she did know that she didn’t like it, not one bit; and so, she waited until one evening when Abby and Patty had gone to bed earlier, after a rather tiring bust which had taken half of the afternoon, then went to Erin’s room, gently knocking the door before she opened it, relieved to find the redhead still awake, sitting in her bed with a book in hand, sadly not naked this time, Holtzmann observed, but wearing her pyjamas.

“Hey”, she said, smiling a bit as she noticed that Erin looked quite apprehensive, the physicist lowering her book in response, “you got a minute?”

“Um, sure”, Erin gave back, even though she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to know what this was about; she put her book on the nightstand, fighting to urge to fidget on the bed while Holtzmann closed the door and moved to sit on the edge, giving the physicist a look which was simultaneously caring and concerned before she spoke up again.

“So, um”, she started, not quite sure how to handle this, but wanting to clear the air between them, her discomfort showing through the stilted tone of her voice and only making Erin feel worse, the physicist suddenly quite sure that Holtzmann had come to her to tell her that their arrangement was over and done, “I, um, I kinda noticed you being weird around me lately and I would like to know why, cause if it was something I did I didn’t mean to and I’d like to fix it.”

“…it wasn’t anything you did”, Erin mumbled after a moment, slightly astonished, not having expected this at all, “it’s just… God, I feel stupid.”

“No, tell me”, Holtzmann almost pleaded, unable to hide her immense relief at the fact that Erin’s behaviour wasn’t due to something she had done or hadn’t done, “please? Whatever it is, I can tell it’s making you uncomfortable around me and I don’t like that. Didn’t you like something I did the last time we were… beneficial for each other?”

“I liked all of it”, Erin quickly reassured her, for the first time wondering if perhaps, Holtzmann wasn’t as confident and secure as she projected about her skills in bed, “I was just worried that… you might not have liked what I did. Because you didn’t say the word since then, and I didn’t say it either, I know that, but, I don’t know, I feel so stupid.”

She forced herself to fall silent, all too aware that she couldn’t tell Holtzmann why she hadn’t made use of The Word herself; apparently, the engineer wasn’t planning to pry though, smirking again now, a hint of mischief in her eyes when she replied. “Well, I can tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed what you did… and I did use the word now.”

She wiggled her eyebrows in a way which was absolutely hilarious, and Erin found herself giggling; the physicist took a moment to shake her head, then pulled the engineer closer, her worries for the moment forgotten as their lips met and she could feel Holtzmann’s hand slide into her hair, all thoughts that she might get too attached to the engineer due to what they were doing as far gone from her mind as her concerns.


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey Patty?” Erin cautiously approached the historian in the next day, after she made sure that neither Holtzmann, nor Abby were within earshot, “can I ask you about something?”

“Sure, honey”, Patty gave back, quickly saving the most recent changes to the book draft she had been working on before she fully focused on Erin, immediately able to tell that something was bothering the physicist, “what is it?”

“Um”, Erin gave back, pulling a second chair to the historian’s desk and sitting down, “this is gonna sound so weird, but… Have you ever been friends with benefits with someone?”

“Well, yes”, Patty replied, to her credit not letting it show how little she had expected _this_ , of all things, “a while ago, with some dude I worked with at the MTA. Why?”

“Just curious”, Erin mumbled, realizing she hadn’t thought this completely through – she’d figured that it’d be smarter to talk to Patty about this than to Abby, because Abby knew her too well and would be able to tell at once that she wasn’t “just curious”, but she had underestimated Patty’s ability to read people, and of course, the historian had immediately figured out that this wasn’t just some idle question which had popped into her mind out of nowhere.

“Did it work out?” she went on, not so skilfully not answering Patty’s question properly, but thankfully, the other woman decided not to pry, “or did it get messy with… feelings, and stuff?"

For an alleged genius, Erin reflected as she trailed off, she certainly did not have a way with words, “feelings, and stuff”, she could have grimaced, had Patty not distracted her with her response.

“It kind of did”, the historian let her know, “from his side, not from mine, I was perfectly fine with the arrangement we had. So I broke it off and he was pissed at me for a while, but he got over it. Honey, are you in some sort of situation with someone?”

“Kind of”, Erin sighed, earning a look which was both curious and surprised from the historian, “but I’d rather not give any details. If you don’t mind.”

“You’re sleeping with Holtzy, aren’t you”, Patty replied, a little smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth, only to show in full force at how brightly Erin blushed in reply, that reaction alone being enough to answer her question.  

“No!” Erin still tried to deny it; the only reaction she got was that Patty raised an eyebrow at her, and after just a few seconds under that scrutinizing look, Erin’s shoulders slumped.

“Yes”, she admitted, blushing again, “for a while now, actually, and it’s really good, she’s—”

“Okay”, Patty interrupted her, “Erin, honey, I love you, but I don’t need to know details about how good Holtzy is in bed. So you’re having sex with her and now there’s, to quote you, feelings and stuff?”

“Yes”, Erin sighed unhappily, giving the historian a dejected look, “and I don’t want to mess things up, it could affect the whole team if I do, she said it’s with no strings attached so it’s just sex for her, but…”

“But you’re not sure anymore if that’s enough for you?” Patty prodded, once more demonstrated how well she could read the physicist by now, even though they hadn’t known each other for long; with another sigh, Erin shrugged, then nodded, fingers nervously fidgeting as she replied.

“Yes. No. I don’t know”, she mumbled, running an unsteady hand through her hair, “I don’t even know what I want. I mean, I’ve known I’m not perfectly straight before this thing with Holtz started, but… I’ve never acted on that. Holtz is the first woman I ever did anything like that with, and of course I have to be stupid and ruin a perfectly good arrangement by developing feelings for her when she made it clear it’s just about sex…”

“Babygirl”, Patty replied, shaking her head, “she might have told you it’s just about sex, but do you really believe that? I mean, you have noticed how she’s been flirting with you all the time right?”

“Well, yes”, Erin had to admit, “but that doesn’t mean she’ll want to date me. I don’t even know if I want to officially date her, what if that ends up ruining everything? What if we break up and it destroys the team?”

“If you always think about the worst that could happen, you’ll never dare to do anything”, Patty pointed out, the redhead having to admit that she had a point, “but you should figure out what you want first. I tell you, Holtzy won’t be averse to the thought of being more than friends with benefits with you.”

“Hm”, Erin let out, a frown creasing her brow as she wondered if Patty might be right about that; this talk had taken a turn she hadn’t been anticipating when she had approached her friend, but she was glad about it now, having to admit it had been quite helpful.

“Thanks, Patty”, she thus added, smiling at the historian, who reached out and patted her shoulder reassuringly in response.

“Good luck, whatever you choose to do”, she then said, earning another smile from the physicist, “and if you need another talk, you know you can always come to me.”

 “Thank you”, Erin said with another smile, making Patty wink at her; feeling a bit better about the whole situation, the physicist then went back upstairs to her desk, Holtzmann briefly glancing up at her and winking at her as she entered the lab, Erin brightly smiling back at her as she made her way to the desk.

She sat down and pretended to be engrossed by her work; in truth though, she watched Holtzmann as unobtrusively as possible, glad that the engineer seemed quite focused on her work and thus probably wasn’t noticing.

By now, Erin knew very well how skilled Holtzmann was with her hands, but she still found it fascinating to watch her work; her fingers moved with a nimble speed, handling tiny tools with ease, and Erin felt herself grow warm, swallowing heavily as she looked away, telling herself that getting all worked up at the sight of Holtzmann’s hands doing their delicate work on one of her projects wouldn’t exactly help her with figuring out what she was feeling.

She tried to keep her mind out of the gutter as she watched the blonde, oddly fascinated by how the sunlight lit up Holtzmann’s hair; she felt the sudden urge to run her fingers through the curls and scolded herself, at the same time holding back a sigh as she realized that all these thoughts and this fascination with the engineer could only mean one thing.

She definitely was starting to develop feelings for Holtzmann, and now it would be up to her to do find out if there was any chance for the engineer to actually return them.


	10. Chapter 10

Erin made sure to make use of The Word during dinner conversation the same day, eager to get some alone time with Holtzmann; she felt the engineer nudge her leg with her foot under the table in response, to show her that she picked up on it and agreed, holding back the urge to grin like a fool at the brief contact.

Still she had to wait until everyone had gone to bed, and then for Holtzmann to come to her room; as always though, the engineer didn’t make her wait long, slipping into her room mere minutes after Abby and Patty had gone to bed.

“Hey hot stuff”, she said with a smirk and a wink, and Erin felt her resolve to have a serious talk before anything waver, a feeling which only increased when Holtzmann continued, “let me ask you right away – do you trust me?”

“Um, sure?” Erin gave back, not as sure what to expect – had Holtzmann picked up on her developing feelings, perhaps, did she want to have a talk, as well? That would make things so much easier, the physicist reflected, assuming that Holtzmann had feelings similar to hers…

The engineer brought her hand into her pocket, and when she pulled it out again, the object she was holding made Erin’s breath catch in her throat, all thoughts about talking and feelings blown far from her mind.

Dangling from Holtzmann’s index finger was a pair of silver handcuffs.

“We don’t have to use those, if you don’t want to”, Holtzmann smirked, “but I imagine it could be fun. What do you think? Wait, before you say Yes or No, let me tell you that these are police issue handcuffs. No safety unlock on those.”

“I trust you”, Erin told her at once, eyes fixed on the handcuffs – she never had done anything like this with anyone before, but the thought of letting Holtzmann do it to her made her heart race and her mouth dry, and she hurriedly unbuttoned her blouse, the engineer smirking at how eager the physicist was.

“The moment you want me to open them, you tell me, alright”, she still took time to say, “or, hey, should we use a safe word after all? Just in case?”

“Proton”, Erin replied at once, earning another smirk from the other woman, because of course Erin would choose a word like that, “if I say that…”

“The second you say that, off the cuffs go”, Holtzmann reassured her, placing the key on the nightstand for easy reach; briefly, Erin wondered if this was some underhanded way to keep her from reciprocating, then shrugged it off, too excited by the thought of letting Holtzmann do this than to let her worries take over like this.

She had a moment to wonder how this would be done, if she should get completely naked before the engineer would cuff her; and then, Holtzmann was kissing her already, with quite the passion, simultaneously gently pushing against her shoulders until she was flat on her back.

Without breaking the kiss, Holtzmann took tender hold of her wrists and pulled her hands up; she had a moment to think how fortunate it was that her bed had the sort of headrest which allowed for this sort of thing, one which had been made of artfully wrought metal bars, Holtzmann making quick use of them, the steel cold when it closed around Erin’s wrists.

“Too tight?” the engineer mumbled once she had cuffed her to the bed, Erin briefly shaking her head in response – the cuffs were tight enough so she couldn’t slip out of them, but not so tight that they would have hurt, and she swallowed heavily at the thought of being at the engineer’s mercy like that.

And apparently, the handcuffs weren’t all Holtzmann had prepared for the evening, Erin quickly learned – as the engineer reached into her pocket and pulled out a length of black cloth, smirking when she asked Erin if she wanted to spice things up even further.

“Okay”, Erin breathlessly agreed, lifting her head off the pillow afterwards so Holtzmann could blindfold her; the engineer made sure to gently lower her head back onto the pillow once she had knotted the cloth behind her head, then asked her if she was comfortable, smirking again when Erin gave a terse nod.

“Good”, the engineer then mumbled, moving to start kissing the other woman’s throat, smirking against the heated skin when Erin immediately let out a little moan, “and remember, just say Proton in case you want to stop. Or tell me to stop. A simple No will suffice, too, I want you to enjoy this.”

“Uh-huh”, Erin let out, voice trembling with anticipation – she never had done this before, and while being cuffed to the bed turned her on more than it perhaps should, the fact that she couldn’t see a thing only made this better, her whole body trembling as she waited for Holtzmann’s touch.

At least, she didn’t need to wait for long, and she quickly learned that this was as good as she had hoped it would be when Holtz had presented her with the handcuffs – each kiss, each touch was a very pleasant surprise, and it didn’t take long until she was a quivering mess, at the mercy of Holtzmann’s skilled hands and mouth, unable to see or touch, clinging to the headboard as she tried to hold back her moans.

Sensing Erin’s increasing difficulty to keep quiet, Holtzmann made that easier for her by kissing her deeply; she still made sure to pull back every now and then and run her tongue down the other woman’s throat, just so Erin had a chance to actually tell her she wanted to stop, should that be what she desired, but apparently, stopping was the last thing Erin had on her mind, the physicist holding on tight to the headboard as Holtzmann – _finally,_ Erin thought – slid a finger inside her.

“God yes”, she brought out, her hips twitching as she tried to get more stimulation, “more, please Holtz, please I need—”

As she added a second finger, Holtzmann silenced her with another deep kiss, muffling her moan with her mouth; and not long after, Erin came with a heavy shudder and a hoarse cry, her grip on the metal bars slackening as Holtzmann slowly let her come down from the orgasm.

“Wow”, she finally brought out, her whole body going limp now, “that was… wow Holtz. Wow.”

“Happy to hear, hot stuff”, the engineer smirked, carefully removing the blindfold, not wanting to ruin the moment by taking some hair out along with it, then unlocking the handcuffs; Erin let her hands drop down to the mattress and blinked a few times at the sudden light before her gaze focused on Holtzmann, eyes full with adoration and warmth now.

“Have coffee with me tomorrow”, she said, before she could overthink and stop herself, “um, as a date, I mean.”

She smiled brightly, and only when a few seconds had ticked by, she fully took note of the way Holtzmann was staring at her. As if this the last thing the engineer had been expecting to her… as if it was the last thing she had _wanted_ to hear.

Erin’s smile faded even before Holtzmann replied, just a few words, but enough to break her heart.

“I’m sorry, but… I don’t think that would be a good idea”, the engineer said, getting up from the bed and looking uncomfortable as she absent-mindedly pocketed the handcuffs and the blindfold, “I’m sorry. Um, good night.”

She hurried out of the room without another word, leaving Erin naked on the bed, the physicist sitting up after a moment and staring at the closed door for a few heartbeats – before she dropped back down to bury her face in the pillow and started to cry, unable to believe that things had taken such an unhappy turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.  
> (The Holtzbros think Holtzmann is a dumbass.)


	11. Chapter 11

Erin was determined to not let it show how much Holtzmann’s rejection had hurt her, and put on a brave face in the next morning; she had spent a lot of the previous night crying, and felt tired and drained, but she’d rather bite off her own tongue before letting Holtzmann see how much she was hurting.

She felt like an idiot now, after a night of sobbing into her pillow; Holtzmann had made it clear to her after all that it was just about sex, she had actually said “no strings attached”, and of course Erin had had to go and ruin this all by developing feelings for her and then making them so damn obvious too by asking the engineer out.

_Well, guess the arrangement is off the table, then,_ she thought to herself as she went through her morning routine, appalled at the dark rings beneath her eyes; she briefly considered covering them with make-up, but she normally didn’t use that much, and she figured that, as someone who suffered from nightmares more or less regularly, it wouldn’t be unusual for her to look as if she hadn’t slept much, and if Abby or Patty should ask, she could always blame said nightmares.

Firmly convinced to not let them notice that anything was wrong, Erin made her way downstairs, where she could hear Abby talk; then, she heard Holtzmann reply something, and her heart clench up as she thought back to the engineer rejecting her the night before, having to pause and take a deep breath before she could continue and join them in the kitchen.

As she entered, she faltered in her steps – she had expected Holtzmann to look and act as always, and instead, the blonde looked as if she had slept just as little as Erin herself had, sounding quite subdued and not like her usual self at all when she mumbled a good morning.

“Good morning”, Erin gave back, giving her best to sound normal; she wondered if Holtzmann had given Abby an explanation for the dark rings beneath her bloodshot eyes, but if she had, it was one which hadn’t involved her in any way, her best friend smiling at her just as she always did while the redhead made her way to the coffee machine.

While she poured herself a cup, Patty joined them, as well; she took one look at Erin, then at Holtzmann, and immediately could tell that something had gone wrong, didn’t ask though, merely giving Erin a concerned look, the physicist responding with a barely visible shrug.

She knew that Patty would come talk to her later, after Erin had sought her out, and she did not look forward to this talk; for now though, the historian kept her questions to herself, only eying Holtzmann and her for another moment before she asked if there were any special plans for the day.

“I’m gonna go look for parts”, Holtzmann said, mumbling more into her coffee cup than talking to them; they all knew by now that this was something she did when she needed alone time, and Patty gave Erin another questioning look, the physicist pretending not to notice though, giving her best to sound neutral when she wished the engineer good luck with her dumpster diving.

Holtzmann briefly glanced at her as she said this, and Erin was sure that she could see a flash of pain in the blonde’s eyes – and she wondered why, after all, it had been Holtzmann who had rejected her, she had been the daring one and had suggested a date and the engineer had shot her down, not the other way round.

Some of her own bitterness and pain evaporated at this, and she found herself wondering if perhaps, Holtzmann hadn’t rejected her because she didn’t like her that way, but for some other reason she was unaware of; she held back a frown, not wanting to alert Abby or Patty, but the atmosphere was tense nonetheless as they had breakfast, and Erin was relieved when finally, she could retreat to her desk and get some work done.

Her equations and calculations distracted her from her pain, and she barely noticed how Holtzmann left, even though the engineer called a Goodbye to the other three women; and not long after Holtz had left, Abby did, too, telling them that she had to go to the library and look something up there.

Erin distractedly waved goodbye at her, not even glancing away from the whiteboard; she was highly concentrated at this point, but this concentration was disturbed a minute later, as Patty came over to her desk and sat down on the edge, raising an eyebrow at her.

“What”, Erin dared to ask after a few seconds had ticked by and the historian had neither said anything, nor had asked her any sort of question; Patty’s second eyebrow moved to join the first one in its elevated position, and after another moment, Erin’s shoulders slumped, and she sighed, dropping her marker onto the table before she gave the other woman an unhappy look.

“I asked her out for coffee”, she let Patty know, her gaze dropping down to the floor, Patty taking note of how she nervously rubbed her fingers together, a clear sign that she was uncomfortable or nervous, “and she said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Huh”, Patty let out, clearly not having expected that, “so she said no? But then why did she look as if her favourite puppy dog died this morning? That makes no sense, not even for Holtzy.”

“I don’t know”, Erin sighed, with another unhappy look, “but she made it quite clear that she has no interest in me like that. Maybe she was upset because now, there’ll be no more sex either, cause that would be way too awkward.”

“That’s not like Holtzy though”, Patty pointed out, frowning as well now, “especially not after how she kept flirting with you all the time. One would think she would’ve been overjoyed that you asked her out!”

“Well, I’m not going to make that mistake a second time”, Erin told her, too hurt to think much about Holtzmann flirting with her before she actually had rejected her, and too hurt to ponder possible reasons for Holtzmann acting this way; she did have to admit that Patty had a point, but thinking back to how the engineer had told her No still stung, and so, she rigorously pushed those thoughts aside.

“Well, I hope you girls can fix things”, Patty told the physicist, “cause I don’t like seeing my friends so unhappy. And even if things are a mess right now, I got a feeling that Holtzy didn’t just tell you no because she’s not into you.”

Erin just sighed again in response, and shrugged; Patty gave her an encouraging smile and briefly rubbed her back, then told her that she’d go and make sure Kevin wasn’t setting his computer on fire, the physicist returning to her work, even though she couldn’t find her focus again, unable to stop thinking about Patty had said.


	12. Chapter 12

A while later, Erin found herself alone at the firehouse – Abby was still at the library, Holtzmann out looking for parts, and Patty had taken Kevin to get lunch; before the Ghostbusters, she had enjoyed having peace and quiet, but now, she was used to at least one of them being there at all times, and the silence felt oddly stifling, prompting her to switch on the radio after a while, just so she would have some background noise.

Apparently though, the universe was on some sort of vendetta against her, because not even ten minutes after she had switched the radio on, Rhythm of the Night started to play, and she felt her heart clench up.

With tears blurring her sight, she hurried to turn the radio off, but it was too late, the damage had been done – she found herself unable to stop thinking of how Holtzmann had danced to that song the day they had moved in above the Chinese restaurant, how the engineer had kept looking at her and had made her feel as if she was doing this only for her.

Erin squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to cry again; she took a few deep breaths, eager to keep her emotions under control, relieved when she heard the door open, figuring that some company would distract her from her misery.

Usually when Holtzmann went out looking for parts, she announced her return with loud clanging and banging sounds as she’d drag along a duffel bag filled to the brim with metal junk, and so, Erin had thought that it was Abby or Patty coming back; it turned out to be Holtzmann though, the silence when she entered showing that her scavenger hunt apparently hadn’t been all too successful.

And then, at the second glance, Erin saw the handkerchief wrapped around the engineer’s left hand, and the blood which not only stained it, but had soaked through it, a thin trickle of blood running out from beneath it and down the engineer’s arm, the blonde having raised said arm to avoid bleeding all over the floor.

“Oh my God!” Erin cried out, the rejection forgotten at once, her concern for Holtzmann taking over immediately, “Holtz! What happened?!”

“Dumpster diving mishap”, Holtzmann mumbled in reply, Erin rushing to her side, the engineer, to her relief, letting it happen that she took hold of her hand and removed the handkerchief, her face paling at the cuts, one of them across her palm, and another one in the soft flesh of the ball of her thumb, blood trickling from them and keeping her from seeing how deep they actually were.

“This needs to be cleaned”, Erin said, acutely aware that she was still holding Holtzmann’s hand, but even though she still hurt, she didn’t want to let go – and Holtzmann, she noted, didn’t pull back, either, instead just nodding and letting it happen that Erin led her over to her desk, obediently sitting down when she told her to.

“Be right back”, Erin said once Holtzmann had lowered herself onto her chair, “I’ll get the first aid kit, but maybe this will need stitches.”

The engineer let out a vaguely agreeing noise, and after another concerned look, Erin hurried off to get the first aid kit; she returned quickly, thanks to Holtzmann’s penchant for causing tiny to medium poofs and sometimes injuring herself in the process, they had more than one of those kits at the firehouse, and she knew where they all were, having grabbed the one closest to her desk.

Before she returned to where Holtzmann was waiting though, she made a quick detour to the kitchen, filling a soup bowl with fresh water and grabbing a clean dishtowel, making a mental note to disinfect that bowl before she’d let Abby use it again as she made her way back to the desk at last.

“Okay, this might hurt”, she warned the engineer, “but I’ll try to be careful. Hold still.”

She started with washing off the blood, relieved to see that the cuts weren’t as bad as she initially had thought; they had bled quite a bit, but weren’t as deep as the blood had made it seem, and even though Erin knew she was no medical doctor, she figured that a bandage should do and that the cuts didn’t need stitches, the edges close enough together that they’d heal on their own.

“Alright”, she mumbled once she had washed all the blood off, dropping the dishtowel into the bowl, “it should be fine without stitches, just let me disinfect that and bandage it up.”

Holtzmann let out another vaguely agreeing noise, and when Erin briefly glanced up at her face, she took note of how the engineer studiously avoided it to look at her, keeping her gaze fixed on the wall instead, and once more, she wondered if perhaps, there was another reason to Holtz rejecting her than the engineer only wanting sex.

Taking tender hold of her injured hand, Erin started dabbing at one of the cuts with the cloth she had poured the antiseptic on; she heard Holtzmann hiss at the pain of the stuff burning in the wound, but didn’t look up, making sure to sound calm and not accusing when she spoke up after a few moments. “Tell me why you didn’t want to go out with me.”

“I’d rather not talk about it”, Holtzmann mumbled, and Erin retaliated at once, giving in to a sudden petty impulse, pushing down with the cloth just a bit harder than strictly necessary; Holtzmann yelped and tried to pull her hand back, but Erin held on tightly, looking up now, her eyes meeting the engineer’s.

“Tell me”, she demanded again, astonished to see a brief flash of actual fright in Holtzmann’s eyes, only convinced further that there was more to this than she initially had thought, and thus, she took in a deep breath to calm down, once again trying hard to sound calm and even a bit kind now when she tried again.

“Holtz, please”, she said, giving her best to hold Holtzmann’s gaze with hers, “I just… Look, at first I thought you just wanted sex, and that this was why you said no. But now I feel that there’s something else, some other reason, and I want to know what it is, because then maybe we can find a solution. If you’d give me the chance…”

“I’m sorry”, Holtzmann replied, pulling her hand back after all and abruptly coming to her feet, so quickly that she nearly threw the chair over, “I… Erin, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She started to walk away, but Erin wasn’t willing to just let her; and so, she caught up to her with a few fast steps, and grasped her arm, the engineer turning to look at her in surprise, clearly not having expected this sort of behaviour from her.

“No, Holtz”, the physicist said, wondering where this fierceness was coming from, but then deciding not to question it and to simply make use of it instead, “no. Don’t do this, don’t just walk away from me. I know you said that it’s a no strings attached thing, and maybe it’s only my problem that I ended up developing feelings for you, but please, don’t just walk away from me. If you don’t feel anything for me, look me in the eye and tell me, and I’ll drop it, but if you do, if this is not one-sided… Holtz, please…”

Holtzmann looked up to meet her eyes, and for a moment, Erin was sure that she had risked too much, had gambled too high, and that the engineer would tell her now that she felt nothing for her and that it indeed just had been sex; she steeled herself against the pain, telling herself that she wouldn’t cry, not in front of Holtzmann at least, and refused to look away, her heart clenching up as she waited for the engineer to say something.

“I…”, Holtzmann began, then swallowed heavily; for a few more seconds, she just kept looking at Erin, her face working as she tried to keep her emotions under control – before she, to Erin’s endless surprise and delight, stepped closer to her, moved her uninjured hand to entangle it in her hair and kissed her, Erin kissing her back at once, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her closer, all fears and worries that Holtzmann didn’t want her that certain way gone within the blink of an eye.


	13. Chapter 13

Later on, Erin would wonder how they had actually made it up the stairs without falling and injuring themselves; they barely had managed to stop kissing as they made their way to her bedroom, and the moment the door had closed behind them, Holtzmann was working on her blouse, a few buttons ending up torn off as she did so with a bit too much enthusiasm.

That she didn’t care the slightest about the buttons only showed Erin how badly she wanted this, and she responded in kind, breaking the kiss just long enough to pull Holtzmann’s shirt over her head.

Once the shirt had hit the floor, Holtzmann immediately pulled her closer again for another kiss, Erin kissing her back deeply at once, revelling in her taste and how good it felt to do this with her again; she entangled one hand in her hair while she moved the other to tug at her pants, the blonde responding at once by opening Erin’s pants and sliding them down, unable to hold back a groan when she felt Erin press herself against her the moment the pants were out of the way.

Without breaking the kiss, Holtzmann pushed the physicist backwards, until her legs hit the bed; she wrapped her arms around the engineer in response before she let herself sink down onto the bed, pulling Holtzmann down on top of her, and when the blonde started to kiss her throat, she forgot all about the pain of the previous evening, unable to focus on anything but the engineer’s kiss and touch.

* * *

 

“For the record”, Holtzmann mumbled quite a while later as they laid cuddling beneath Erin’s blanket, the physicist’s head resting on her shoulder, “I never said I don’t feel anything for you. I said going on a date might not be a good idea.”

“But why would you think that”, Erin wanted to know in reply, craning her neck so she could look at her; the engineer sighed, then shrugged, moving one hand to tug at her ear, a clear sign that she was uncomfortable as she replied.

“Because I’m… me”, she let the physicist know, making her frown, “I’m not good at… this. Relationship stuff. Talking about my emotions. I’ve never even _had_ a proper relationship, just a long string of one night stands, and I don’t want to mess this up and hurt you, so I figured I’d just… I don’t know, not even let it get that far. I know I hurt you anyway and I’m sorry.”

“Well”, Erin replied, choosing her words carefully, not wanting to mess this up now that she had the chance for an actual date with the blonde, “let’s be honest, my track record with relationships isn’t exactly stellar, either. The last man I dated pretended not to know me when I walked out of Columbia with my stuff and then had the gall to complain that I didn’t take his calls anymore. And the few before him, well… They weren’t wise choices, either. You know, I was told not too long ago that, if I always assume the worst will happen, I’ll never dare to do anything, and that’s quite right so… we can try to figure this out together. Take it one step at a time. If you want to.”

For a while, Holtzmann was silent, but she was still holding Erin close, and had moved her hand from her ear to idly rub the physicist’s arm and shoulder, so Erin didn’t want worry and just let her think about what she had said; she was a bit surprised about the little speech she had made, but it had come from the very bottom of her heart, and she hoped that Holtzmann had picked up on this.

“…have coffee with me”, the engineer mumbled after another minute had ticked by in silence, to Erin’s astonishment blushing slightly; she smiled brightly at her, eager to show her how happy those few words had made her, and nodded at once, only feeling more astonished when the smile Holtzmann gave her in reply was a shy, held-back one, completely different to her usual, almost manic grins.

“This afternoon?” Holtzmann then added, earning another happy nod from the physicist; then, Erin moved to kiss her, a slow and tender and sweet kiss this time, one which elicited a soft, content sigh from the engineer, the somewhat goofy smile which was on the younger woman’s face after the kiss making Erin smile back at once.

“I’m gonna make it up to you”, Holtzmann told her, “that I hurt you like that, I mean. I’m not sure how yet, but I promise I’ll think of something. I, um, I heard you cry and I felt so bad…”

At this, Erin blushed, up to this moment she had been sure that no one had heard her; she wondered if Abby or Patty had, but figured that one of them would have said something if they had, still feeling embarrassed though, unable to keep a bit of a tremble out of her voice when she replied. “You’re not just… I don’t know, doing this now because you feel guilty, right? Because I don’t want to guilt you into going out with me. I want you to go out with me because it’s something you want to do… because of what you feel. What we both feel.”

“I’m not doing it because I feel guilty”, Holtzmann reassured her, pulling her closer again and prompting her to let out a small, content sigh, “I’m doing it because you mean something to me, too, actually…”

She trailed off and, to Erin’s amazement, blushed again; and even though she was dying to know, Erin didn’t poke and prod, but waited for the engineer to go on once she was ready, glad that she had had the patience when Holtzmann finally did so, cheeks still red as she spoke. “Actually, my feelings for you were what made me offer you a helping hand in the first place. Because I thought that was the only chance I’d ever have to get close to you, if I pretended it was just sex and nothing else, so I offered, and I could barely believe it when you accepted.”

“Jesus, Holtzmann”, Erin mumbled in reply, a bit stunned by this – how deep exactly did Holtzmann’s feelings for her go, she wondered, if the engineer had been willing to do this, had been willing to pretend that there were no feelings involved while perhaps, part of her had been dying whenever Erin had moaned out her name during their beneficial time together, had been thinking that this was all she’d ever get and never more than that. “That’s… wow. That must have hurt.”

“A bit”, Holtzmann admitted, the slight tremble in her voice showing Erin that certainly, it had been more than “a bit”, “but I figured that was all I’d ever get, so I thought I’d be happy with it. You ruined that plan though when you asked me out.”

“You’re a doofus”, Erin solemnly told her, earning a weak smile in response; she smiled back at the engineer, then kissed her once more before she snuggled as close to her as she possibly could without actually lying completely on top of her, sighing happily once more when she felt the engineer caress her hair tenderly, happy and relieved that things had worked out that way.


	14. Chapter 14

“…so this little baby is going to create a medium poof, only harmful to ghosts, so no worries, hot stuff”, Holtzmann was telling Erin as Patty and Kevin came back from getting lunch; and Patty could barely hide her relief at seeing the two side by side like this, and judging from how Erin had her arm around Holtzmann’s waist as the blonde was showing off her newest toy, they had worked things out quite well.

She gave Erin a questioning look which Holtzmann missed completely, focused on the new and improved ghost grenade she was presenting to the redhead; Erin smiled, and nodded briefly, and Patty beamed at her, happy that things had worked out that way.

“We brought food”, she declared, Holtzmann finally realizing that she was there, the engineer looking up at her in surprise, “sandwiches and soup for Abby, if she ever makes it back from that library.”

“Good thing soup can be warmed up”, Erin replied solemnly, earning a snort from the blonde; she beamed at the engineer, then leaned in for a brief kiss, only realizing that Holtzmann had no idea about Patty’s knowledge of their relationship when she pulled back and the engineer was looking somewhat stunned, casting a quick glance at the historian before her eyes focused on Erin again, the question in them more than clear.

“Congrats”, Patty said, before Erin had to explain that she actually had gone to her when she had started to feel overwhelmed with “feelings and stuff”, neither of them sure what Holtzmann would think of this, “honestly, I was waiting for you guys to hook up at last, I was this close to making a bet with Abby about when it finally would happen.”

Erin blushed at that, and cleared her throat; Holtzmann was smirking though, and Patty shot her a toothy grin before she went to the kitchen, calling out to them that they should join her for some food, Erin stealing another brief, but gentle kiss before they followed their friend, glad that Patty had reacted so well and was clearly and genuinely happy for them.

* * *

 

Abby had taken the news just as well as Patty had, and it made Erin wonder if Holtzmann had talked to her, about the same things she had discussed with Patty; at the moment though, these thoughts were banished to the farthest corner of her mind, as she had something much nicer to focus on.

Now that they had moved from friends with benefits to actually dating, and that their friends knew, there was no need to keep it secret anymore; and so, Erin had pulled Holtzmann into her room with her right when they all had gone to sleep, skilfully ignoring Abby’s snickering, and now, Holtzmann was on her bed, and Erin was on top of her, kissing her deeply and running her hands up and down her sides.

She made quick work of Holtzmann’s shirt and pants, then straddled the engineer and held her gaze as she slowly started to unbutton her blouse; Holtzmann reached for her, but Erin let out a “nuh-uh”, winking at the startled look she received, “no touching, for now. Just look. Don’t make me get the handcuffs.”

“Wow, hot stuff”, Holtzmann commented, let her hands drop back onto the mattress though, “I’m impressed, never knew you had it in you.”

“I have a very capable teacher”, Erin told her, all her worries and anxieties for the moment forgotten as she opened the last button and slid the blouse down her arms; and it was easy to forget these things, with Holtzmann looking at her that way, burning desire in her eyes, and with how the blonde’s breath hitched when Erin reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting it fall down onto the other woman’s stomach.

“You’re so beautiful”, Holtzmann mumbled, eyes traveling up and down her body; Erin smiled at her, blushing a bit, then bent down to kiss her again, Holtzmann taking this as a sign that touching her was okay again and wrapping both arms around her, her heart skipping a beat when Erin moaned softly at the engineer’s calloused fingertips tracing the line of her spine.

“You make me feel so good”, the physicist mumbled into Holtzmann’s ear as she pulled back from the kiss, a shudder running through the engineer as she felt the warm breath on the sensitive skin there; picking up on that reaction, Erin trailed her tongue along the blonde’s ear, smirking at the way Holtzmann sucked in a sharp breath.

“You like that, huh”, she then commented, “good to know.”

Holtzmann looked as if she wanted to say something in reply, but before she could, Erin made another daring move, sliding her hand inside the engineer’s boxers, and smiling again at the warm wetness she found there.

“I call you hot stuff for a reason, you know”, Holtzmann commented at the way the physicist smirked at her; Erin let out a little laugh, then kissed her again as she started caressing her – Abby and Patty might know perfectly well what they were doing in this room, but that didn’t mean that they actually had to hear them go at it.

“I like when you call me that”, Erin mumbled into the other woman’s ear, “I’ll need to come up with a pet name for you, too. But for now…”

She moved her fingers a bit, and Holtzmann let out a low moan in reply; Erin gave her another smile, then kissed her deeply yet again as she caressed her, content in the knowledge that from this day on, she’d be able to do this as many times as she wanted – and that Holtzmann would do the same for her, and not just as a friend with benefits this time.

Erin was quite sure that this change from friends with benefits to relationship would be very beneficial for both of them.


End file.
